never enough time!

Do you feel that you’ve never enough time ? Well I want to let you know that time is infinite, well if not. it is very very long.

So, there is time, what matters is what you do with it, it's all about priorities.

I was talking recently with a friend at work, who after many years of trying to do lots and lots of things, realised that if you do less – you do it better.

And you get to know your family again! 

One of the many things I remember from ages ago is seeing my project manager in at the snack-bar at work, and complaining to him that I just had too much to do, and was feeling very stressed. He turned, looked at me eye to eye, and pointed back at me saying "and whose fault is that?"… meaning, it was probably my fault.

And that is so true. It rang true then, and it still does now.

It's all about priorities.

We set ourselves unrealistic targets for our own work, we take on too many commitments – because we want to help and be supportive to our colleagues, we take on too much, we run out of time, we get stressed, and we fail.

Learning to say "no" is quite a skill. And one thing I learned is that if we do say "no", life still carries on; the world continues spinning.

We can say “no” nicely, learn to say “no, not yet, maybe next month”, “no, I think somebody else will be better doing that”, or, “no, I don’t have the time!!!”

For the past few years, I've pencilled in time for self-development (all technical training courses that look interesting (have you discovered MOOCs?) or just reading the mountain of technical magazines that accumulate in any office/home/websites).

Spending time away from the day job, helps up breath and think of new things.

So, my advice – it's your diary, control it.

Peer to Peer Support - how it started

Over a year ago, I posted on an internal blog at work how wonderful my team and others I worked with were.

It was at the time when I was often distracted, at least in part, with caring for one of my children who was suffering suicidal thoughts, serious anxiety, depression, self-harming, selective mutism, etc.

And the people i worked with - made my life so much easier!

I felt writing it would help me, as I cope with the day to day stresses.

I know a lot of people who use “journaling” to help their thought process.

Just the act of writing it down helped.

Little did I know that it was a start of a massive change in my company.

Two days later, I received a phone call from somebody (a total stranger) who explained that recently he had gone thru massive personal tragedy, and was suicidal. He went on to explain that it was his Line Manager who pulled him through & saved his life.  He had recently had an article published in a news magazine, entitled, “Saved from Suicide”.

After a few more minutes in discussion, we thought … wouldn’t it be good if we have a company-wide Mental Health support network.

After a few calls, we had a team and drew up plans.

Everybody we spoke to thought the idea was great.

To cut a very long story short. we teamed up with another group of people who had a similar idea (and piloted a scheme a year earlier) and set up the Peer to Peer Support Network.

The Network, simply provides a list of folks who have been trained, vetted and available to take phone calls/emails from people who need a bit of support. The list is filterable by location or mental health experience - so people can find somebody local to them (or at the other end of the country) who has lived through depression, PTSD, menopause, OCD etc.

Lots of coffee is involved!

Mental Health First Aid

One of the things we spoke of in the early planning meetings of the Peer to Peer Support Network I helped create at work, was to aim for a Mental Health First Aider in every office building, a bit like the list of first aiders that are often listed in large buildings where we work.

Since then, I’ve become aware of a national campaign to rollout Mental Health First Aid in each workplace in England. You can find out more at http://mhfaengland.org

MHFA run a 2-day course, if it’s like the in-house training from my employer, it offers practical skills to give participants the confidence and openness to talk about mental health. 

We may not have time or resources to take 2 days to be trained in Mental Health First Aid, but we can all make a difference as soon as possible.

Firstly, we can start with ourselves - keep an eye on ourselves and be alert and aware of your own mental state – 

• Are we sleeping ok?
• Are we more irritable with friends?
• Are we finding it hard to concentrate?
• Do we have somebody to chat to? 

Looking at those we interact with (at work or home)  - can we develop a listening community? Can we get to know these folk so well that we can see -

• Change in mood or appearance?
• Any changes in their tone of voice?
• Changes in behaviour?

Prevention is better than cure, let’s not allow anyone to reach the point where they need to take time out.

telling your boss…

If you work, would you tell your boss if you have a mental health issue?

Research suggests that many of us (up to 58%) are unwilling to tell our bosses when we don’t feel our mental health is good [1] [2].

It’s not hard to think of why this may be the case. There may be worries about confidentiality, not being up to the job, or maybe ongoing issues that it might cause. If the mental health problem is a disability, then legally (in the UK), there are safeguards, but much of the time we might just be feeling low.
 
It’s unfortunate that there is still a stigma about mental health.

But some companies are doing something about it.

Other than my own employer several companies have Employee Assistance Programs, offering free counselling services.  Examples of other companies that reportedly do more than the “average” UK company are Unilever [4] and Innocent Drinks [5], to name just two.

different views of the same thing

Last week I was fortunate to spend a few hours on the "Orwell Lady" river cruise as part of a colleague’s birthday celebration. It took us down the River Orwell, from Ipswich down to Harwich and back.

Before I’d gone I thought I was familiar with most of the journey, I had travelled by road (and bike) between Ipswich and Felixstowe many, many times - and spent a few years travelling to Chelmondiston and back.

However, the view from the river is very different. We saw things that you just couldn't see from the land. Various parts of the docks that I didn't know about, old buildings built by land owners that seemed to have nothing better to do, and masses of yachts moored off the shore.

Along the way there were many stories told by the skipper, opening up the history that passed in front of our eyes.

And I was thinking, it’s a bit like life….

We often see people but don’t know the struggles or barriers that they have gone thru in their lives.  There is often so much complexity that we just don’t know about.

As part of the hundreds of applications I’ve had from people joining the Peer Support Network at work, I am often amazed about the openness of people's reasons for joining the network.

For example, recently somebody told me how he has struggled with depression following a child suicide, another lady explained how she's got an alcoholic partner... and there are so many other stories that, to be honest, are just too upsetting to replicate word for word.

Outside the Support Network, I’ve got friends who were abused as a child, or assaulted as a teenager.

Each one of these people has scars because of their past, many are using their experience to help others going through a similar life journey.

It's a reminder that so many people suffer with mental health issues; and generally, most people don’t know about their struggles - and it reminds me that we should take another look at people, to accept them how they are, non-judgementally.

Peoples life journey is unpredictable, some people find that their life sticks to a wide-open road- others take a tumble, and yet others have the privilege of cruising down the river, and seeing life from a different perspective.

Until you've been there. best not to judge.

  

Mental and physical health

I've been blessed in recent years with caring and supporting friends and family who have struggled with life, due to poor mental health.

Over the years it's become apparent that so many people are struggling with something.  The statistics say that 1 in 4 of us will under go a period of serious metal illness.... being an engineer I like to check things out.... and its not easy to find the source of that 1:4 figure, especially as it's so commonly used.

Take a look at this article, there are many more on the web.

Whatever the figure, I believe we all suffer at times with some form of mental illness.... just like we all suffer from some type of physical illness.

Times are changing, slowly, people are more aware of the invisible symptoms of long term mental illness, I've seen that in my day to day life.

And both physical and mental health are linked. If you are depressed.... it's not easy to step out of your house to go for a walk.... similarly, if you've broken your leg, it can become very isolating.

Our 'normal' lives are not necessarily the same as other people's 'normal' lives.... but that's ok

Do you think there is a link between our mental and physical health?

Do you think society is changing in that more people are open about their mental health?